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Joke of the Day

"Why doesn't Stephen Hawking need a wife? Because he has his own shoulder to cry on. Edit: all credit goes to /u/Earleebird who posted it in a comment in /r/oldschoolcool"

"Why is it good to have a blonde passenger? You can park in the handicap zone. "

"Tesco reported a 6.4bn loss.. I guess that's what you get for betting on horses!"

"I wonder how telemarketers react to other telemarketers when they are at home..."

"""My lips are sealed."" -Virgins."

"[creation] GOD: So how do you like the flying? PENGUIN: Meh it's no big deal GOD: Oh is that right"

"Dogs that don't bark are the most dangerous of all They're woofless"

"Stop undressing me with your eyes!! Use your teeth."

"Dora the explorers parents don't give any kind of shit about Dora. She's 7 and she's flying planes and shit to South America with a monkey!"

"I hate when all the silverware is dirty and I'm down to using the giant decorative fork that hangs on the wall."