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Joke of the Day

"Saw a post stating ""taking it one day at a time,"" so I responded ""me too. That's how days work."""

"*uses blood from wounds to write my killer's name on the floor* I...will be...avenged. NO! BAD DOG! DON'T LICK THAT! DADDY NEEDS JUSTICE!"

"What do you call 1000 soldiers with no legs? An army."

"Man who go to bed with itchy bum Wake up with smelly finger. Is fact."

"I do really well on Jeopardy. I get all the answers, every one of them, almost instantly. I do, however, have a lot of trouble coming up with the questions."

"New Slogan for the Pro Choice Organization Cut out the middle man. Literally."

"When I go to Burger King, I like to get a Whopper and a Whopper jr. then make the Whopper watch as I eat the Whopper jr."

"I clocked this beautiful woman earlier. I'll probably never see her again it was a pretty big clock."

"The Blonde Waitress Customer: Can I have some coffee without cream please? Blonde Waitress: We are fresh out of cream, sir. Can I bring you coffee without milk instead?"

"When life gives you lemons... Just be glad it's not AIDS"