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Joke of the Day
"Just got a fancy new bathroom scale that tells you what percentage pizza you are."
Next Joke
"Me: That does it! [bangs on upstairs neighbor's door] [Elephant on a pogo stick answers] Sup? Am I being too loud?"
"He who fights with lobsters must take care not to become a lobster. For when you gaze long into the bisque, the bisque also gazes into you."
"What to NEVER EVER EVER say to a fat girl (or a girl who is overly conscious of her own weight). (OC) As part of our team, you're expected to pull your own weight."
"When I die I don't want a big funeral. I'd just like a few of my close friends to get together and try to bring me back to life..."
"Best time to go to the dentist? tooth hurty"
"""I'm in the best shape of my life!"" -Newborn baby"
"My girlfriend has the body of a Greek Godess; Imaginary"
"When is it acceptable to not tip your server? when your a system admin, and your server if tipped could destroy many websites."
"DRIVING ON HIGHWAY Wife: You just missed a right. Me: Thanks babe you just MRS right."