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Joke of the Day

"Why did the fat, religious Ugandan move to Egypt for weight loss candy? He wanted to find a lighten mint through trans-Sudan migration!"

"Used lettuce for my burger bun tonight. I've never been more prepared to become your most hated Facebook friend."

"I woke up hungover but couldn't make myself throw up. So I guess I have a lotta shit to deal with today."

"I like my women like i like my cake mixes... ultra moist whites"

"Superman: "" I'm faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive"" Batman: I fight a penguin and this really persistent clown"

"I'm an atheist with a god-complex... ...which explains why all my highschool teachers always said I never believed in myself."

"I yell at my grandma to see if she is still alive It's a win win situation, either she's still alive or my inheritance just came in."

"guy at seaworld: ""it's a cross between an eel and a shark, we're asking everyone to pick a name for him"" wife: ""steve"" me: ""sharkeel o'neal"""

"My girlfriend is pissed at me for never putting down the toilet seat. To be honest, I AM getting pretty tired of carrying it around."

"Tony Romo was depressed after yesterday's loss. He was so upset he got his gun, pointed it at his throwing hand, and pulled the trigger. He's OK, The bullet was intercepted."