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Joke of the Day

"I'm an atheist with a god-complex... ...which explains why all my highschool teachers always said I never believed in myself."

"What does the Mexican kid say as his homework flys out of the window? Ayyee essay, where are you going?"

"I was really missing school But I collected myself, took a few deep breaths, focused, reloaded my gun, and started nailing the little bastards."

"What's green and smells like bacon? Kermit the Frog's fingers."

"What did one shovel say to the other during a recurring fight? Can we just bury this?"

"Help I'm addicted to skin I can't stop wearing it!"

"Unfortunately Miley Cyrus broke up with her boyfriend It didn't twerk out"

"It's uncool to be religious. It's uncool to be atheist. If someone asks what you believe in just say Beyonce. It's the only way to be safe."

"Why don't blondes like to make Kool-Aid? They can't get eight cups of water into that little packet."

"What do you call a girl with an hourglass figure? A waist of time."