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Joke of the Day

"I don't think Santa would be able to visit USA this year! After all, Donald Trump hates them with beards!"

"Mom: ""Why are your eyes dilated?"" Me: ""Your eyes dilate up to 45% when you look at something you love"" Mom: ""What were you looking at?"" Me: ""Memes"""

"Was told I can't use Wi-Fi at McDonald's unless I eat. So I am bringing a peanut butter sandwich."

"When I die I hope someone puts ""In Memory Of Jenny Johnson"" in old English lettering across the back windshield of their Buick Riviera."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Boris ! Boris who ? Boris with more knock knock jokes !"

"What do you get when you cross a whore and a leprechaun. A little green fucker about two feet tall. (Best told orally so can hold hands two feet apart.)"

"What did Captain Kirk find at the end of the rainbow? a LepreKHAAAAAAN!"

"One time I stayed in a relationship three months longer than I should've because the person had a flattering mirror in their apartment"

"I've never actually finished the song ""Rock Your Body"" by Justin Timberlake because I'm afraid I'll be naked by the end."

"What is a pedophiles favorite Italian meal? Chicken Statutory....I'm going, I'm going...sorry but this is how my brain works before I've had coffee."