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Joke of the Day

"One time I stayed in a relationship three months longer than I should've because the person had a flattering mirror in their apartment"

"Most problems can be solved by pouring a concrete slab over the person causing the problems."

"Two belts walk into a bar one was already waisted."

"Why do black people only have nightmares? Because the one that had a dream got shot!"

"I remove my license plates before using the McDonald's drive-thru in case I need to throw my drink in the cashier's face."

"When you wear a cardigan for the very first time it's just called a card"

"What kind of condoms do frogs wear? Rib-bed"

"Rain is just God listening to Bon Iver."

"[At make-up counter] But does this lipstick come off of a taint?"

"New phone My sister got an Iphone 5c. I asked if I could C it she said ""No"" so I said SIRI ously"