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Joke of the Day

"What do you get when you cross a whore and a leprechaun. A little green fucker about two feet tall. (Best told orally so can hold hands two feet apart.)"

"Did you hear about the italian chef? He pasta way"

"My Dad's Maths Joke: Why do programmers confuse Christmas and Halloween? Because Dec 25 is Oct 31 Edit: corrected because I'm a fucking tool"

"Just once, I would like to see a person on a daytime talk show say, ""dad was a good parent...mom was a good parent...the problem is me, I'm just a shithead."""

"Q: Why would it be difficult to be a police officer? A: It would be tough to be an idiot all day long."

"I'm the kind of girl people don't look twice at Even when I hit them hard with a shopping trolley one, two, thr... Yep, now he's looking"

"Why do Republicans make good DJs? Because they know how to shut the House down."

"[my funeral] PRIEST: dearly beloved... *respectful silence from guests* PRIEST: ...and steve ME FROM INSIDE COFFIN: lmao get roasted steve"

"Off is the general direction in which I wish you would fuck."

"Where would Martin Luther King Jr. be right now if he was white? Alive"