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Joke of the Day

"I say ""fight me"" a lot for a girl that's 5'2"" and has a tough time opening some doors because they're too heavy."

"The basics of male masturbation Are easy to grasp."

"What do you call a cat in heat? Prr-miscuous"

"I probably would have been a pretty good doctor, until I found out that I still get paid if the people die. Then I'd just be like, whatever"

"Q: Why is Bill Clinton diverting federal funds from improving schools to improving jails? A: Because when his term is through he won't be going to school."

"How do historians know Hitler had a drinking problem? White Russians were the death of him."

"Sometimes it is very important if a sentence was said by a man or a woman. A good example: ""I used a whole pack of tissues during that awesome movie yesterday!"""

"*wife sees me crying* Her: What's going on? Me: The kids gave me this *holds up Dad Is #1 mug* W: That's sweet H: Sweet? They think I'm pee!"

"What did Vizzini say when he heard of your mom's abortion? Inconceivable."

"Two chemists walk into a bar... Two chemists walk into a bar. The first says, ""I'll have some H2O."" The second says, "" I'll have H2O too."" The second one dies."