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Joke of the Day

"I hope the guy who just cut me off in traffic has his fav book made into a movie & the characters are nothing like he imagined them"

"Where does Walmart keep the Terminator toys? Aisle B, back."

"I don't punish the dog for eating my unattended food because I do the same thing to other people"

"Pregnant women go through a ""nesting"" phase where they make a tree fort out of twigs and parts of men they've killed."

"Procrastinators Unite! Tomorrow"

"My 4 y/o doesn't realize that things in life have happened before his existence. I bet this is what life is like for Kanye. Let's be gentle."

"In the 50's, a small city granted a two-singer a capella team exclusive rights to perform on street corners. Other street performers sued. They claimed it was a doo-wop-poly."

"I've only seen ""Babe"" once, but I've said ""That'll do, pig"" 1000 times. My wife hates me."

"A Cuban just arrived on a raft... And is being interviewed when they ask him Name? ""Manolo"". Sex? ""Two to three times a week"" No,no i mean Male or Female? ""Well whatever I can get that week"""

"Besides coke residue, what other particles can be found on dollar bills? Stripper poop particles"