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Joke of the Day

"Pregnant women go through a ""nesting"" phase where they make a tree fort out of twigs and parts of men they've killed."

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"I shut down my computer in the middle of an iTunes update and I think Siri just sent a Terminator back in time to kill teenage me."
"Your momma so old... powdered milk comes out her nipples."
"How many dead babies, does it take to change a lightbulb? ...not 7, because it's still dark in my basement"
"What do you call it when you said a redneck on fire? A firecracker"
"What is Donald Trump's favorite music album? The Wall"
"Sold some krokodil today...... ""see you later alligator"""
"I'm so bad at philosophy.... .....I Kant even"
"Why shouldn't you drink at a math party? Because you shouldn't drink and derive."
"Waiter waiter! There's a mosquito in my soup. Don't worry sir mosquitoes have very small appetites !"