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Joke of the Day

"Linda, this is embarrassing, but when I sent that email that you were poetry in motion I meant to type pottery. You look like a jug."

"The guy at the grocery store just asked if I brought my reusable bag with me and I told him its none of his business where my girlfriend is"

"Him: Can you believe what's going on in Egypt? Me: Yeah...it's crazy...I gotta go. Bye. Me: *googles what's happening in Egypt?*"

"Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg? They won't stop to ask for directions."

"I just invented a new word Plagiarism"

"Women, should start bragging about their size like men do. For example, I happen to be hung like a Tic-Tac."

"If i could have any super power, i'd pick the ability to lure kids into my truck without giving them candy i spent my hard earned money on."

"What did the fireman say when the church caught on fire? ""Holy smoke!"""

"Obama's announcement Today, President Obama announced that, after January 20th, the official title of ""U.S. Government"" will be changed to include quotation marks around Government."

"Why wasn't the bear allowed to drive? Because bears don't have fine *motor* skills"