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Joke of the Day

"Women, should start bragging about their size like men do. For example, I happen to be hung like a Tic-Tac."

"What is your best weed/stoner related joke? I've never heard any good ones so please give me your best!"

"My work ethic could best be described as ""procrastinate as much as possible then frantically scream OH FUCK right before the deadline."""

"That awkward moment when... When Mars has more water than California..."

"[rap battle] Opponent: *crushes it* Me: Oh, I... umm. I thought this was something else... *hastily hides plastic wrap behind back*"

"How do your trigger a SJW? Oops."

"what do you call a turtle dressed as a guido a slowbro"

"It's not really murder if you're already dead to me."

"I will put you in your place. -me to everything because OCD"

"Friend: I want a baby. Me: Remember when your neighbor was practicing the clarinet at 1AM? It's like that, but you can't call the cops."