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Joke of the Day

"If i could have any super power, i'd pick the ability to lure kids into my truck without giving them candy i spent my hard earned money on."

"John was hard at work with the broom in his family's tent. His mother came in and said 'That's nice. Are you sweeping out the tent?' 'No' John answered. 'I'm sweeping out the dirt.'"

"I know a great joke about rape. But they don't let me put it in"

"I recently went to a gathering for turtles... ..bit dull. None of us came out of our shell."

"Five out of six people agree Russian roulette is completely safe."

"What is the Highest Proof of Tequila? Juan Fifty Juan"

"I've been yelling for years. Now I'm convinced. I'm definitely the only one here playing Marco Polo."

"Dear Dude, who's slowly walking towards me at the park bench, dragging his one leg and can't keep his balance. Please be drunk and not a zombie."

"It's difficult to be romantic when your dog always eats the trail of McNuggets leading to the bedroom."

"Everyone is saying 9/11 was a joke, it wasn't. It's a social experiment."