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Joke of the Day

"Obama's announcement Today, President Obama announced that, after January 20th, the official title of ""U.S. Government"" will be changed to include quotation marks around Government."

"They say 9 or 10 is a good age to tell your kid they were adopted, but only IF they were adopted."

"""I'll sleep when I'm Ned!"" -Exhausted pre-op who plans to go by Ned after the surgery"

"Why did 20 blondes stand outside the bar? Because you need to be 21 to get in."

"Q: How many Englishmen does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: What do you mean change it? It's a perfectly good bloody bulb! We have had it for a thousand years and it has worked just *fine*."

"Fun Fact: If you answer your phone, ""Christ speaking"", 70% of the callers will hang up on you. You're welcome."

"My girl friend enjoys S&M comedies. Usually slapsdick."

"Q: How can you identify a computer that has been in use at the Clinton White House? A: There is White-out on the screen."

"Don't forget that alcohol helps to remove the stress, the bra, the panties and many other problems."

"How many years before we forget if 9/11 was in '00 or '01? 15 or 16"