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Joke of the Day

"The guy at the grocery store just asked if I brought my reusable bag with me and I told him its none of his business where my girlfriend is"

"5 DAYS AGO I was bit by a spider, and STILL, no super-powers. Comics lie."

"Do I just call you or should we resolve this quickly with 200 text messages?"

"I think God created marriage so death wouldn't come as such a disappointment."

"What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? I've never paid to have a garbanzo bean on my face."

"Two utensils are laying in bed... One turns to the other and says ""wanna spoon?"" The other replied, ""no, I'd rather fork."""

"Give me a screwdriver Normal thing for a mechanic to say to his lackey. Start of a sexual harrassment case for Britney Spears."

"What Do You Call A Galloping Musician? Ludvig Van BeetHOOFen."

"I've got no home, I haven't got control, and I can't see any escape. I should get a new keyboard."

"How does one call a female COCK-roach? A henroach. No pussy joke here, you dirty pervert."