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Joke of the Day

"I wanted to go as the invisible man for Halloween this year. But my Girlfriend made me put my clothes back on."

"Why did Isis cover their bullets in butter? Because the French were toast! This is a joke I made up, along with an alternative : What do Isis eat for breakfast? French toast."

"[Lady is being robbed] ""Help, Social Media Man!"" [Social Media Man swoops in & creates a facebook page called Mugging Is Bad]"

"I traced the call. It was phone-shaped."

"The engineer goes to the bathroom and takes a dump. Because everything these assholes do is shit"

"I asked my coworker if I could see her tips. So that I could play with her nickels."

"Three tampons are walking down the street.. A light, a regular, and a super tampon are all walking down the street. Which one talks to you first? None. They are all stuck up bitches."

"Kylo Ren: *high pitched voice* I love you Kylo Ren. You're the best dark Jedi ever General Hux: *walks in* Stop playing with Vader's helmet"

"A Haiku on the Rules of Writing a Haiku Syllable structure: First five, then seven, then 5. Just like this one isn't."

"I'm quite confident that the reason i'm single Is because i didn't forward that chain letter in 2008"