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Joke of the Day

"A nurse reaches into her pocket and finds a rectal thermometer... ""Ugh, some asshole has my pen"", she thought."

"What's the difference between a tribe of clever pygmies and a girls' track team? One is a group of cunning runts."

"ME: Would you like a snack? 4: No. As a pure mathematical object, I require no physical sustenance."

"Dad, did you let the parrot name me? - Haha, no that's ridiculous, Brock."

"I don't think my wife likes me very much when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance."

"I like my coffee how I like my slaves. Made by slaves."

"If you're a kid and have problems with pedophiles... grow up"

"B: If you have a sore throat... B: ...I can lend you my throat medicine. G: Throat medicine, huh? B: IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK G: Uh huh B: IT'S CEPACOL G: Weird name to call your dick."

"After math class, my friend fell off of a vertical cliff... I yelled Y^Y^Y^Y^Y^Y^!"

"""I love the Fall, the trees are so pretty"" It's fall?? ""Ya, so what?"" [leaves start attacking everyone] OMG THE LEAVES HAVE TURNED"