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Joke of the Day

"My one night stand is pissed because I broke the other one."

"Is 1+1 hard to calculate? It's not complex at all, right?"

"Are Nicolas Cage movies terrible because he's in them? Or is Nicolas Cage in movies because they are terrible?"

"Have you ever had sex while camping? It's fucking in tents!"

"Why does Bernie Sanders write in lowercase letters? Because he hates capitalism."

"My wife wanted me to lose weight, so I dropped 120 pounds But she got right back up again. She can take a hell of a punch, my wife."

"I think my coworkers are gay because every time I walk by, they mumble under their breath ""what an ass!"""

"INTERVIEWER: your resume says that you take things too literally ME: how the hell did my resume say that?"

"What did the dyslexic bank robber say? ""FREEZE MOTHERSTICKER! THIS IS A FUCK UP!"""

"Pixar has made me feel affection towards rats, bugs, fish, robots, monsters and even cars. The real test would be a movie about coworkers."