175849

Joke of the Day

"My wife wanted me to lose weight, so I dropped 120 pounds But she got right back up again. She can take a hell of a punch, my wife."

"A grasshopper walks into a bar... And the bartender says ""Hey, we got a drink named after you."" And the grasshopper says ""You have a drink named Steve?"""

"When my friends are sad, i send them a long ass paragraph, but when I'm sad, they only say ""Oh sorry"" or ""Well that sucks""."

"what do you call a young, green Pumpkin for Halloween? A premature e-Jack-O'-Lantern."

"A man is making moonshine. But the machine isn't working. He goes to see his friend Gino. Gino looks at the machine and says ""That's cause it's a still!"""

"Did you hear about the temple that burnt down? Holy smokes."

"9/11 gave rise to ""Truthers"", Obama gave rise to ""Birthers"", so... ... would a movement to determine whether Hillary Clinton actually carries hot sauce in her purse be called ""Saucers""?"

"Whats another name for google glass? Dome Chrome."

"How can you tell if someone's a vegan? Just wait, they'll tell you"

"When a woman asks you to guess her age, it's like deciding whether to cut the blue, red, or green wire to diffuse a bomb"