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Joke of the Day

"INTERVIEWER: your resume says that you take things too literally ME: how the hell did my resume say that?"

"You probably get this a lot but... *punches you in the face*"

"I'm fluent in Morose Code. -Debbie Downers"

"You know when motorcyclists give a little wave to each other, I do that when I see someone else eating in their car."

"So a Michigander, a masochist, and football fan walk into a store. He asks the cashier, ""Where's the Lion's jerseys?"""

"What do you call it when you refuse to do core workouts? Abstinence."

"What did one nut say to the other? Nut-thing! ....I'll see myself out."

"There's plenty of deeply disturbed fish in the sea."

"Gave my German friend a hit of my joint... He said, Danke."

"I wrote a poem today! Half of it is true. The other half is just a bunch of lies to make it rhyme."