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Joke of the Day

"""Can I take your order?"" Wait, take it where? ""No, not-"" I haven't even given you my order yet ""I mean-"" WHERE ARE YOU TAKING MY ORDER"

"Science is tricky. Keeps you on your toes. Mineralogy? Study of minerals. Oceanology? Study of oceans. Meteorology? NOT ABOUT METEORS."

"Me: Yes, I'd like the Mexican massage. Masseuse: The what? Me: *hands him taco seasoning and sour cream* Masseuse: Me: Let's go, chop chop."

"What's the difference between Vincent van Gogh and Evander Holyfield? Are you serious? I could give you a mouthful."

"You (drinking coffee): Drugs are bad Me (smugly injecting heroin): Actually, coffee is a drug"

"Kristen Stewart looks like she always has mono"

"If an angel statue is removed from a fountain... ...would that make it a sans seraph font?"

"What happened when the Samsung Note 7 was launched? It was an explosive success"

"Two psychics pass each other in the street.. One says to the other: ""You're doing fine. How am I?"""

"Your call is important to us. Please continue to hold until your battery is dead."