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Joke of the Day

"Me: Yes, I'd like the Mexican massage. Masseuse: The what? Me: *hands him taco seasoning and sour cream* Masseuse: Me: Let's go, chop chop."

"If there isn't an open bar at my funeral then count me out, I'm not going!"

"IF YOU LIKE THAT FACEBOOK STATUS SO MUCH, WHY DON'T YOU MARRY IT?!"

"I'm only putting a picture of me in my locket. This proves I'm independent."

"How does the pope refer to his secret superhero identity? It's his altar ego."

"On your deathbed tell everyone ""pray for me"" then make sure to leave a note to be opened after you die that says ""pray harder next time"""

"Report - Sharks have difficulty finding work 51 weeks every year."

"My dentist said I have a very wet mouth. *Updates dating profile."

"If i was stranded on an island with a fully functioning plane and a runaway,, I'd still be stranded on an island."

"In America she's called ""Miley"" Cyrus, but in other countries she's called ""What America would be like if it were a person""."