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Joke of the Day

"its a good thing we swallow 8 spiders a year bc if it werent for those spiders, we'd be swalowing hundreds of flies and smaller insects"

"A customer was due change of 22 cents so the cashier threw it at him."

"My self esteem is so low.... The other night my hand told me that it had a headache."

"At home: I want to go out, I want friends. When I go out: I want to go home, I hate people."

"Why do ducks have flat feet? To stomp out forest fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? To stomp out burning ducks."

"i feel the most connected to other human beings when were making subtle eye contact about someones outrageous stank on the subway"

"Why do elephants eat raw food ? Because they don't know how to cook !"

"What's the difference between Marmalade & Jam You can't Marmalade you cock up a chicks Ass"

"Last supper *at the last supper* *Jesus breaks bread* this is my body *pours wine* this is my blood *opens jar of mayo* Judas: I'm just going to stop you right there...."

"I met my town's bishop at Easter mass today but I think he might be an imposter... ... he didn't move diagonally"