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Joke of the Day

"i feel the most connected to other human beings when were making subtle eye contact about someones outrageous stank on the subway"

"Q: How do you circumcise a whale? A: You send down five skin divers."

"She said ""you look like trouble""...so I nudged her down the stairs, because I don't like people falling short of their expectations."

"Mayweather is dyslexic, He's supposed to punch his opponent and hug his wife."

"When making small talk at a tweet-up, avoid using the word ""fungus."""

"How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A fish."

"I tripped over my girlfriends bra.... I guess she planted a boobie trap."

"Police arrested two kids yesterday , one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off."

"Come forth... God: John,come forth and you shall receive eternal life! But john came third and won a toaster."

"Super Irritating What kind of dogs use internet The ones we call dog-e"