120379

Joke of the Day

"wife *resting after surgery* me wife me [holding flowers and a Transformers birthday balloon] They didn't have any that said ""Get Well Soon"""

"What's it called when a pig kills itself? Soooey!-cide"

"Whenever I hear the phrase ""Power of Attorney"" I always imagine someone being bitten by a radioactive lawyer."

"I told a woman she'd drawn her fake eyebrows on too high she looked surprised."

"Please stop putting flyers on my windshield in parking lots. I have no desire to see your new band called ""Parking Violation""."

"I come to Twitter for the recipe trading, but I stay for the overt racism!"

"What would the most depressing game show be? Biggest Loser: All-Stars."

"i know we have cell phones and the internet, but i kinda expected the world to look like Tron by now."

"Everytime you pull the trigger a bullet loses its job...HAHAHAHA! Because it gets FIRED. HAHAHA! *I'm in tears*"

"Whenever people say they're willing to do ""whatever it takes"" to ""make it in Hollywood"" they never mean ""patiently work on their craft""."