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Joke of the Day

"What is Victoria's Secret? 'Her' real name is Victor!"

"My penis tingles when I'm in danger. Wait, nevermind; she said danger was her middle name."

"*puts ranch dressing on chicken* aww look at his little cowboy hat and boots, how cute is that"

"I just killed a huge spider crawling along the floor with my shoe. I don't care how big a spider is, nobody steals my fucking shoe."

"A man gestures to an empty parking lot... and says, ""This is all asphalt."" Then his ass says, ""Don't blame me."""

"What did the hotel manager say to the elephant that couldn't pay his bill ? ""Pack your trunk and clear out !"""

"Anyone under the age of 21 should be legally required to end every sentence with the phrase ""but there's a good chance I'm wrong about that"""

"*turns off life support* *waits* *turns it back on* Me: How's she now? Him: Are you sure you're a doctor? Me: Doct... No, I'm from IT."

"My wife and I couldn't have a baby so we decided to go to an adoption agency. I was so excited while I was in there. It made me happy to think that I could finally take off the baby on board sticker."

"I just put up a white board in my house... wanted to make the place a bit more classy"