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Joke of the Day

"*turns off life support* *waits* *turns it back on* Me: How's she now? Him: Are you sure you're a doctor? Me: Doct... No, I'm from IT."

"Just ran over my neighbors cat. In fairness, though, the damn thing probably thought he was safe when he made it to the porch."

"What's the difference between a toilet seat and dinner? Dad doesn't piss all over his dinner. :D"

"All i'm saying is that if you were a real psychic palm reader you would of made me wash my hands first."

"Tried to catch fog the other day... Mist"

"Do you know which End she was talking about? My teacher pointed me with her ruler and declared that at the end of her ruler is an idiot. I was suspended for a week for just asking which end!"

"My Neighbor's House Based on the sounds coming from my neighbors house, they're either having amazing sx or putting together a dresser from Ikea."

"What's the opposite of Adele? Amac or BB-Mac (you pick which one's funnier)"

"Mohammad is a great name for a businessman It's all about the prophet."

"Whats Black and never works? Decaffeinated coffee, ya racist."