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Joke of the Day

"So I was applying to be a time machine technician.. There wasn't any openings right now, but there may be in the future."

"The only time a woman wishes that she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby."

"Why does it smell of tires? There are two black people fighting."

"Well I was going to donate blood today until.... the lady got all personal and started asking, ""Who's blood is this?"" and ""How did you get it?"""

"[NSFW] How did the Redneck mother know that her daughter was having her period? Grandpa's dick tasted funny."

"I really hate those russian stacking dolls. They are so full of themselves."

"""I'm gonna get a tattoo that says 'Helvetica', written in Arial. When a woman corrects me on it, I will marry her."""

"I don't believe in Santa I guess you could say I'm a rebel without a Claus."

"How did Jim Henson die? He Kermitted suicide"

"I'll bet you, like me, average the most ""uh""s per sentence when ordering at a fast food drive thru."