111779

Joke of the Day

"Fact: It is against league rules for an NFL player to own a pet duck. It's considered a personal fowl."

"What is Link's favorite Final Fantasy character? Zell, duh!"

"*Ronda Rousey in the Doctors office* Ronda: I'm having trouble getting pregnant Doctor: Stop taking it in the jaw"

"I just enlisted my kids into the Navy. Or as the wife calls it, masturbated in the shower."

"They needed three Back to the Future movies so they could cover life's three great concerns: one's birth, one's future legacy, and cowboy"

"Why did all the prisoners at the AT&T jail escape? Because they had no bars on their cells!"

"An app that detects itself running on other people's phones, then both devices play Random Encounter music. What happens next is up to you."

"Officer, if I can't stand in the shoulder of the road, screaming and crying, then maybe they shouldn't call it the breakdown lane."

"The best thing about a blowjob... ... is the 15 minutes of silence."

"The symptoms of Ebola... ... are sweating, weakness, diarrhoea & stomach pains. The exact same kind of feeling that a husband gets when he sees his wife going through his phone and messages .."