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Joke of the Day

"Officer, if I can't stand in the shoulder of the road, screaming and crying, then maybe they shouldn't call it the breakdown lane."

"My little sister made a face at my mom and said ""Guess who I am?"" My mom answered ""Who?"" ""Your daughter"" courtesy of my 4 year old sister about 20 minutes ago"

"10 just informed me that exercising releases inner-dolphins. If that's not a reason to exercise, then I don't know what is."

"You're right, sir. It's MY fault that your credit card was declined. Please, tell me again how much money you have in that account."

"A helium atom walks into a bar The bartender says: sorry, we don't serve noble gases here. The helium atom doesn't react."

"Why shouldn't young people move to Egypt? Because only an old GIZA would live there!"

"how is an antivirus similar to porn? You don't have to pay for it."

"This Is total BULLSHIT! You can't even find ACME anvils on ebay. THIS IS WHY THE ALIENS DON'T TAKE US SERIOUSLY!"

"Hub: You ready to go? Me: In a minute, I'm beating the kids. [Cut to me just decimating the kids at Mario Kart]"

"Yes I brought my own shot glasses and started a party at my table, but is that really a reason to throw someone out? Worst library ever."