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Joke of the Day

"DIET TIP: You are what you eat. Do you really want to be celery? C'mon. Not even celery wants to be celery."

"Come a little closer so I can push you away. Women"

"What's the best thing about dating a homeless girl? You can drop her off anywhere."

"I call my kettle Jim Carey, because it brews-all-my-tea."

"If you ask me, NASCAR would be much more entertaining if the drivers had had as much to drink as the fans."

"'Twas the night before Thanksgiving, and I'm out of breath I've been in the kitchen all day, cooking up meth."

"The Arabs invented a time machine. It's called Islam. It can take any civilization back to the 7th century."

"Did you guys read about the fence that got knocked over this morning? Dont worry, it'll probably be reposted before the weekend is up."

"What do you get if you bake weed into apple pastry? A high turnover."

"What sort of undergarments does a succinct pugilist wear? Boxer briefs!"