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Joke of the Day

"'Twas the night before Thanksgiving, and I'm out of breath I've been in the kitchen all day, cooking up meth."

"I'm tired of women touching and playing with it but no one wants to blow it. Damn vuvuzelas!"

"Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn't last long if you're fat."

"What do Welshmen call a sheep dog in Wales? Their Pimp"

"Policeman: Why are you driving without a license? Motorist: Because it was revoked months ago."

"What happens when you combine TNT with a hard drive? It gets blown to ***bits!***"

"[Cop arresting a centipede] *clink* *clink* *clink* *clink* *clink* *opens crate of new handcuffs* *clink* *clink* *clin"

"Where do snowmen dance? At the snowball!"

"PROPOSAL: Rebrand shootings as ""late-term abortion."" Watch the GOP scramble to stop them."

"Did you know that if you take all the people in the world and split them in half you'd be a mass murderer"