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Joke of the Day

"I think that Stephen Hawking is a con man.... My sister is in a wheelchair and she's as thick as shit!"

"I've only got a few more weeks to convince my wife that our baby's middle name should be Underscore."

"Whenever I see an adorable service dog and I know I can't pet it, the greatest internal struggle of my life begins anew"

"""Vini Vidi Venti"" --I came, I saw, I ordered the large coffee at Starbucks."

"What did the lobster say when he saw the mermaid? Gotta lay off the sea-weed."

"What do you call a bee that gets engaged? A Beyonce."

"Poland... Poland - a country between Russia to the east and Germany to the west. If they piss Russia off, they turn the gas off. If they piss Germany off they turn the gas on."

"What's the similarity between my dad and a magician. They both like sawing people in half for fun"

"If it's important to you, you will find a way to make it happen. If it's not, you will find an excuse."

"What did the mushroom put in his bio for the online dating service? Im a fungi"