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Joke of the Day

"Whenever I see an adorable service dog and I know I can't pet it, the greatest internal struggle of my life begins anew"

"Did someone died? No, but it's still early."

"You know what else looks like a ring and has lots of power over people? Donuts."

"What's another name for floor pie? 3."

"What do you call an awkward questioner? I don't KNOW, that's why I **asked** you. God."

"What do you call a horse wearing Venetian blinds? A zebra!"

"Why didn't Barbie and Ken's relationship work out? Because Ken always came in another box."

"If somebody at a party tells you they're a writer, get excited, hold up the nearest book, and ask, wide-eyed, ""DID YOU WRITE THIS?"""

"My mother + my father condom = MOST AWESOME PERSON ALIVE!"

"Insulting me gets you nowhere. Plus, it makes you look fat."