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Joke of the Day

"Two cannibals are eating Amy Schumer The first one says to the other one, ""Does this taste funny to you?"" The other one says, ""No."""

"Nobody loves your text conversation screenshot as much as you do."

"ME: If home is where the heart is, I guess I live under a canopy of bloody bones. DMV WORKER: I'm not putting that on your license."

"A little haiku about finals. I am really fucked. Where did the semester go? Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck"

"Do you know what the hardest part of rollerblading is? Telling your father you are gay."

"In a touching tribute to Joan Rivers, Target today announced that it would print funny little anecdotes on all of their shopping bags. Just so plastic can make us laugh one more time."

"Cop pulled me over said ""papers"" I replied with ""scissors, I win"" and drove off. Now I'm doing hard time on the rock."

"Q: Why won't a bike stand up by itself? A: It's two tired."

"I shouldn't have agreed to be a cowboy's target dummy for lasso throwing practice. How did I get roped into this?"

"What do warm toilet seats and pussy have in common? They both feel nice but you never know who's been there first"