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Joke of the Day

"In a touching tribute to Joan Rivers, Target today announced that it would print funny little anecdotes on all of their shopping bags. Just so plastic can make us laugh one more time."

"[1st date] Her: I love quail Me: Omg me too! H: Love Cher M: Omg me too! H: Love men Me: Omg me too! H: Love Pepsi M: WTF is wrong with you?"

"How was Rome split in half? With a pair of *Caesars*"

"Roadside motels are a good place to stay if you haven't decided yet whether you want to kill someone or be killed."

"What do you call the headquarters of an organization of space terrorists? ISISISS"

"I asked my friend if he could tell me the chemical symbol for Neptunium He said it wasn't a problem but hasn't replied since"

"I thought I was listening to a Maroon 5 song on the radio when I realized that the radio is off and I need to have my brakes changed."

"Your momma is so old.. her social security number is 000-00-0001"

"Kim Jong-un read War and Peace in a day. At least I think that's why they call him Supreme Reader."

"Of course climate change is man-made. It's all been meticulously orchestrated by the Titanic survivors, seeking revenge on that iceberg."