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Joke of the Day

"I shouldn't have agreed to be a cowboy's target dummy for lasso throwing practice. How did I get roped into this?"

"Do you know what's cooler than those fake chains around your license plate? Everything. Every single thing in the world."

"Me: I'm ghosting him. Her: You stopped talking to him? Me: No, I'm showing up when he least expects it and scaring the shit out of him."

"Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One muffin turns to the other and says, ""Man it's hot in here"" The other muffin turns and screams"" Holy fuck a talking muffin!"""

"What time is it when. You have to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty."

"Picture me eating dinner. Wrong! Louder. Drunker. Even more backup dancers."

"Always trust people who like big butts.... They cannot lie."

"Sometimes when you first meet someone you just know you want to spend the rest of your life.... Avoiding them"

"Why was Civil Disobedience such a good essay? Thoreau editing."

"It's funny because it's true So a catholic priest, a pedophile and a rapist walk into a bar. He orders a beer. the end"