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Joke of the Day

"A little haiku about finals. I am really fucked. Where did the semester go? Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck"

"Saw two bums in the street going at it with cardboxes boxes... Pillow fight!"

"Gotta get me one of those iPhone-credit-card holders so I can lose everything at once and be totally completely fucked forever."

"What goes in dry and hard, but comes out, wet and soft? Chewing gum"

"I'm not racist because... I'm not a racist because racism is a crime, And crime is for blacks."

"Me: are you serious? GF: yes I can't take it anymore, you're too unpredictable Me: [wearing a different shirt] what are you talking about?"

"Did you hear about the midget psychic who escaped from prison? Headlines read: ""Small Medium at Large"""

"You would never be able to live down to your reputation, but I see you're doing your best."

"People who say losing weight is ""just math"" clearly have no idea how far out of my way I go to avoid math."

"Two guys walk into a bar the third one ducks"