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Joke of the Day

"What do warm toilet seats and pussy have in common? They both feel nice but you never know who's been there first"

"*The most messed up jokes you know* I'll start: What's worse than sucking a dozen raw oysters out of your grandmother's pussy? Sucking out thirteen of them and realizing you only put in a dozen."

"Standing in the boys clothes section at Kohls waiting for my wife. I just realized I look creepy. Better move to the little girls section."

"Kahn Noonien Singh has appeared in Star Trek from 1967 to 2013, spanning many generations of viewers. This is an example of a ""Long Kahn""."

"Pretty sure I just heard a grown man wrestle a bear in a bathroom stall at Chipotle."

"I got 99 problems... 100 of them are related to my inability to count."

"Why do only 99.9% of dentists recommend Listerine? Because the other .1% is too busy out hunting lions"

"What do you get if you cross an agnostic, a dyslexic and an insomniac? Someone who lays awake at night, wondering if there is a dog."

"Saying ""I'm sorry"" and ""I apologize"" means basically the same thing... ...except at a funeral. Edit:Thank you Demitri Martian for the joke"

"I forgot my work ethic at home today, but I did remember to bring my shenanigans and debauchery."