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Joke of the Day

"My ex-wife says she misses me... But her aim is getting better."

"He died doing what he loved, waving a metal rod on a rooftop in a storm, yelling FU, GOD! Although he slipped & fell, Ted's memory lives on."

"What's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne? Acne doesn't come onto a boy's face until he's 13."

"My stalker just threatened to kill herself if I didn't love her back. It's nice when problems resolve themselves like that.;-)"

"TIL: The guy who invented the toothbrush plays the banjo in his spare time. Anyone else would have called it a teethbrush."

"Don't do drugs, kids. The extra demand will drive up the price for the rest of us."

"I hate it when I'm doing sit-ups and I lose count after 900."

"If people rode their spouses like they did their brakes the divorce rate would drop drastically."

"In Dublin, a very nervous Liam brings his girlfriend to meet his father for the first time. Liam (to father): This is Amanda Father: A fooking WHAT!?"

"I'm on a new diet where all I eat is soup on weekdays. It's called: Miso Hungry."