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Joke of the Day

"Me: A watched pot never boils. Wife: ... Me: ... Wife: ... Me: ... Wife: ... Me: ... Wife: Try turning on the stove, idiot."

"My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it So we went and had drinks. Cool guy, wants to be a web designer."

"Wanna see a joke? Look at your dick"

"5-year-old: Can I borrow a dollar? Me: You don't have a job. How will you pay me back? 5: Me: 5: I'll borrow another dollar."

"Just saw a Christmas tree drive by with a Smart Car strapped to the bottom of it."

"How do you know Jesus was Jewish? He lived at home until he was 30. He went into his fathers business. He thought his mother was a virgin, and his mother thought he was god."

"I JUST HAD AN ESPRESSO WHO WANTS TO JOUST?"

"Taken 3 ~ It All Ends Here Taken 4 ~ Listen, We're Just As Surprised As You Are Taken 5 ~ Whaaaaat!? Yep..."

"I can't stand the kids of this generation. It's always meme, meme, meme."

"Statistically speaking...(NSFW) Nine out of ten people enjoy gang rape."