107879

Joke of the Day

"Watching a show about women who choose to give birth outside. Like, let's take the most painful experience of my life and add bugs and shit."

"I have to mispronounce 'Lincoln' and 'cologne' if I want to spell them correctly."

"#rubbishjokes What do you call the soft tissue between a shark's teeth? The slowest swimmer."

"Nostalgia isn't what it used to be."

"why didnt the pedicurist accept black customers she was blacktoes intolerant..."

"Why was the ginger declined when he tried to sell his soul to the devil? Insufficient funds."

"[Marriage Counseling] Her: he always mixes two common sayings together that aren't relevant Me: well, blood is thicker than the early bird"

"If I ever saw an amputee being hanged, I'd just yell out letters. - Demetri Martin"

"Stop screaming! I thought you'd appreciate having someone to pass you a towel when you got out of the shower"

"I lost 130 pounds of useless fat! Divorce is great!"