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Joke of the Day

"Watching a show about women who choose to give birth outside. Like, let's take the most painful experience of my life and add bugs and shit."

"What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? *(choking sounds)*"

"How do you make Holy Water? You boil the hell out of it"

"Why does government matter? It doesn't."

"Q:What should Iraq get for its air defense system? A:A refund."

"What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A flat minor"

"Why do scuba-divers fall backwards off the boat? ...Because if they fell forwards they'd fall back into the boat."

"A black man walks into the university"

"Past employers have described me as ""selfish, egotistic, condescending, the physical manifestation of capitalism, and a true sweetheart."""

"Why wouldn't you laugh at punch lines in a circle-jerk? You'd see them coming."