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Joke of the Day

"why didnt the pedicurist accept black customers she was blacktoes intolerant..."

"Did you hear about the guys who snorted curry powder instead of cocaine? One of them now has a dodgy tikka and the other is in a korma."

"What's the hardest thing about being a vegan crossfitter who went to Harvard? Figuring out what to tell you about first."

"If you don't think of 50 different ways to murder your boss every morning on your drive to work you're probably the boss"

"[2015 Bird Awards] AND THE AWARD FOR GROSSEST NAME GOES TO...HORNED GUAN (Lizard Buzzard quietly puts acceptance speech back in pocket)"

"i got you a candy necklace for a present but then something happened so i got you this string instead"

"My old physics professor: Times flies when you're having fun, Or as frogs say, times fun when you're having flies... That was a long semester"

"[bedroom] TRANSFORMER WIFE: Honey, this is silly. I'd never cheat on you. TRANSFORMER HUSBAND: Okay....hey, when did we get that wardrobe?"

"What do you get when someone teases you with ice cream then takes it away? Blue Bells."

"What do you get if you cross an elephant with the abominable snowman? A jumbo yeti."