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Joke of the Day

"Stop screaming! I thought you'd appreciate having someone to pass you a towel when you got out of the shower"

"What is a whale's favorite song? Shout."

"You know what the opposite of Netflix and Chill is? 9/11 and school"

"Went to my uncle's funeral today open bar pretty good food but my uncle was dead 3/5 stars"

"Not sure how coffee got its own table in the living room, but kudos."

"[job interview] How would you improve our business? ""Dude, I'd bankrupt you in a week. I'm just catchin Pokemon in your office."""

"What's the difference between menstrual blood and sand? You can't gargle sand."

"I'd like to stab you now. Please step off my carpet and onto the tile."

"Seahawks on the Super Bowl Hey, so are you guys wanting to win the Super Bowl? Nah, we'll pass."

"My sex life (Dirty) My sex life is like the Kentucky Derby, four hours of foreplay, and only 90 seconds of real action"