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Joke of the Day

"[Marriage Counseling] Her: he always mixes two common sayings together that aren't relevant Me: well, blood is thicker than the early bird"

"Niece (4): Uncle, what do you get if you mix blue and purple? Me: Blurple. *She walks away satisfied and amazed at all the things I ""know"""

"There should be a terrible show about a woman, her mom, and her daughter, all 3 named Jennifer, called ""Jenerations"" on Lifetime or the CW."

"If another day goes by without a Matthew, Mark, Luke and John forming a boyband called New Testament, I'm going to give up on everything."

"Mosquitoes use a numbing agent so we feel no pain from their bites. This is one easy way to tell if you were bitten by a mosquito or a shark"

"If I had an email for every Hillary Clinton joke being made right now I'd have none."

"What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds"

"A black man and an autistic man walk into a bar The autistic man orders a shot, but the black man gets it instead"

"Guy behind me in line at the gas station was standing close enough to reenact the pottery scene from ghost."

"How do you know that Hindu woman is into you? Her diode starts flashing green."