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Joke of the Day

"I was walking in the woods the other day... ... when I ran into a bear and I accidentally played Dad instead of Dead. Now it can ride its bike with not training wheels"

"If it's so good why can't I find a single car wash that carries the Brazilian wax thingy you guys keep tweeting about?"

"I was an addict. I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but I turned myself around."

"Why Is A Man's Mind Dirtier Than A Woman's? A woman changes hers more often."

"1. Read directions on box. 2. Throw box away. 3. Pull box out of the trash 15 seconds later. 4. Repeat."

"What does a pimp and a redneck have on common? They both like to throw a ho-down."

"PETER PIPER: honey i picked another peck of pickled peppers WIFE: [motioning to pantry already full of peppers] peter literally what the fu"

"Why did NBC add the Michael J. Fox Show to its line-up? To shake things up on network tv."

"Now I'm REALLY glad Monica chose Chandler over Richard."

"Sometimes I put toilet paper... Sometimes I put toilet paper over my penis, and pretend that it's a ghost."