111903

Joke of the Day

"doctor: your test results have come patient: what does it say? doctor : but first , what is your zodiac sign? patient: cancer, but why ? doctor : what a coincidence !"

"What do you call a herd of masturbating cows? Beef strokin' off"

"I take my women just how I take my hair conditioner with silicone"

"I was at a posh resturaunt last night but the pianist was awful He just kept playing bottom C over and over. Really lowered the tone."

"""To serve and protect."""

"Bert asks Ernie, ""Ernie do you want to get ice cream?"" Ernie responds ""Sure Bert"""

"Me: What do you want for breakfast? 4yo: Bagel Me: *makes it 4yo: Tricked you! I wanted toast Me: Nice trick. Now, eat your bagel"

"Emperor Augustus throws down his pen in disgust... Emperor Augustus throws down his pen in disgust, exclaiming: ""I can't believe it's February and I'm still writing B.C. on all of my checks!"""

"*notices battery is at 4%* *goes into airplane mode* *turns down brightness* *exits all apps* *prays to jesus and compliments his sandals*"

"If I hit snooze 3 times it should automatically send an email to my boss saying I'll be out sick."