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Joke of the Day

"If it's so good why can't I find a single car wash that carries the Brazilian wax thingy you guys keep tweeting about?"

"What's worse than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on your face? Finding out it was traced."

"Me: Nice biker jacket. You ride? Him: No Me: So you're a liar? Him: Me: Him: Nice yoga pants Me: That jacket looks so awesome on you!"

"I hate when people inbox me to tell me how funny my status es are... Motherf*cker there is a ""like"" button for a reason!"

"My missus hates it when I put her chocolate bars in other chocolate bar wrappers. It gets her Snickers in a Twix."

"Why did the penis. . . Why did the penis stop going to the speakeasy? He was sick of ragtime."

"I hate when people share opinions without being asked."

"Why did the Italian get thrown out of the hotel? He said ""I wanna two sheet onna the bed""."

"I'm a pedophile Just kidding"

"I wanted to be a palaeontologist, but my parents said there was no future in it"