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Joke of the Day

"9 out of 10 therapist agree to just be yourself The other one realizes that's what got you into this shit in the first place."

"[iphone vibrates] 3yo: daddy someone is texting you [landline phone rings] 3yo: what is that sound?"

"I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet. I shouted up to him, ""What's up mate, won't it start?"""

"Where does Google and Apple get their weather information? The Cloud."

"Marital prejudice/ politics amongst fruit Q: What did Mr & Mrs Rockmelon say to their daughter when she wanted to run off with Johnny Watermelon? A: But you cantaloupe!"

"Breast Inplants They such a silly-con"

"Guess what came in the mail today? Deez nuts. HAH GOT EM!"

"Dolphins are really smart. Within a few weeks of captivity they can train people to stand on the edge of the pool and feed them."

"I dislike the word ""kidnapping""... I prefer ""surprise adoption""."

"What's black and never works? Decaffeinated coffee"